We have much better things to do than to pour over stats and watch Sports Center. We have come up with a surefire way to pick a winning bracket. We're sharing our secret because sometimes it's painful to keep this much genius inside.
Our method involves looking at the players, coaches and cheerleaders. It involves a little TV time and some internet searches. Why waste time with those pesky seeds and field goal percentages? Evaluate each team on the following arbitrary points and make your bracket picks accordingly.
Cheerleaders wear turtlenecks? LOSE
Bare midriff cheerleaders? WIN!
Players with Hot Tattoos? WIN!
Players have black shoes and black socks? WIN!
High socks? WIN!
Low socks? Lose
Player with Really Long Jesus-like hair, playing on Easter weekend? WIN!
High percentage of Ugly Knee Braces? Lose
One guy with weird Plastic Face Mask Thing - WIN!
Pre-game speech about destiny and God? Lose
Pre-game speech about Mom and team attitude? WIN!
Prominent player with Headband? WIN!
Chair throwing Coach? WIN!
Crying coach? Lose!
Good luck! Since we know you already had to turn in your bracket, be sure to use this key if you are betting on one-off games for the rest of the tournament.
1 comment:
What about the bulge?
Big Bulge: Win!
Little Bulge: Lose!
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